“The unconscious in you is bothered by the unconscious in others.”
When I started getting coached (and learning how to coach), one of the first practices that my coach gave me, was to ask every time I was triggered / bothered / annoyed : “How could it be that it is me that I am seeing?”
It was not easy. It meant cutting through justifications, rationalizations, and also the truth in what I was bothered by.
Probably best to explain with a simple example.